- I’m fifteen for a moment, caught in-between 10 and 20.
- Fifteen there is still time for you, time to buy and time to lose.
- I’m twenty-two for a moment – making our way back from Mars.
What is life, but to enjoy it?
We only get once shot – 100 years to live.
Counting the waves as they are.
Stop counting; start existing.
What is life but to find a purpose?
Are we really meant to just exist?
Are we really meant to just be?
Or is there more to our life than being?
Or is that what we secretly hope?
What are we but to figure out who we are?
Who we are meant to be; what we are meant to do?
Life will always have obstacles but we determine how we handle the obstacles; we determine what path we’ll take.
But how long does it take to gain that confidence and exuberance for life? How long to be ‘comfortable’ in your own skin?
How long do you wait around hoping that confidence will come – trying but maybe not trying hard enough?
What determines when you’re ready for the next “step” or chapter? Better yet, who?
Do you have to push yourself hard enough to climb this course? Or maybe you’re not on the right path … ? I always used to think that things happen for a reason, and I’m still trying to desperately hold on to that thought for my hope of sanity.
I wonder with other girls who have boyfriends, fiancé’s, husbands, suitors, Hugh Hefner’s, if they’re doing this because they’re insecure in their own skin and this is their huge cover-up? If you can’t go a while without a boy chasing you, you become a different woman.
You become insecure, anxious, and nervous.
You feel unbalanced.
You question all you’ve worked for; the decisions you made.
I think it’s good though – it strengthens you. It forces you to rely on yourself, to rely on your girlfriends for encouragement. It forces you to learn your own strength, to learn what you’re capable of, but also, when to ask for help—which is so important. It teaches you your limits; it teaches you compassion. That way when you meet the man who you do want to spend the rest of your life with you know that you can do it by yourself.
You’re probably asking why all the proving of one’s self? Who is it for? Surely the world doesn’t care—or do they? Is there a reason I have this drive to be so goddamn independent? Or am I crazy?
Could be both at this point.
Maybe, it’s just what I gotta do for myself before I do anything with anybody else. Or maybe I’ll still be single, fiercely independent, and bitter in 20 years.
I hope not. I hope it’s the first point.
All I know is that this time in my life is difficult and I will over come it and that one day I will look back on this season of my life as a time I grew into the woman that I want to be one day. I will look back with joy, pride, and a smile.
And I hope I gave you the courage to pursue that dream you wander to when in the back of your mind day in and day out.
It’ll be hard, but nothing that’s easy is worth it.